I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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