Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
