if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake