don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.