Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
