never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Couch. On fire.
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