I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
