I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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