I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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