it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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