Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
