I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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