I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Blood and glitter go together right?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
