lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
being pregnant is like rehab
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
