Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
