why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
