it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
