He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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