sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
