We're like a lot better than the average bears
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
