Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
