She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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