You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
