Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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