I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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