You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
