literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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