i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
