dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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