just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
