We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
