Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
