I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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