She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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