I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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