I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't turn off my feet"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize