How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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