Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
