Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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