The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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