anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
