I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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