I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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