Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize