You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
