2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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