so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
