thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this just has baby written all over it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
