Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
