My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My vagina just clenched in fear
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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