My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
