you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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