He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
