Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
