When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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