Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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