just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
