Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
