kristin has been a bad kristin
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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