If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
